I was getting restless in my job. My boss had offered me a yearly increase that I felt wasn’t proportional to the increase in responsibility I had taken on. So I started to look for new jobs. I stumbled across one that was a good fit, and the company seemed great, so I put in an application. To my surprise, they emailed me that night requesting a phone interview. I thought, “Wow, God is working, and He must really want me to be here!”
Full of confidence, I nailed the interview, and they now wanted me to talk to the manager on a phone call the very next day. Again, it went very well, and a couple of weeks later, she and two members of the team flew down from Boston to meet me, and that went well, too. At this point, I was convinced God had heard my prayers and that I’d soon be transitioning jobs. At work, my mind wasn’t on the tasks at hand, but rather how I was going to bring this up to my boss and the rest of the team.
That week, they emailed a sample of work to complete—the last step in the process. I did it and sent it back to them well ahead of the deadline, but received no response. After I checked in a couple of days later to confirm it had been received, an HR rep reassured me that she’d have a decision by Wednesday. This was it. The offer was coming Wednesday.
Wednesday came and went with no response.
On Thursday, the HR rep called and told me that out of the three people interviewed on-site, I was the team’s choice. But there was a complication. An internal applicant had expressed interest in the position, and they’d give them a full interview as well, with an answer the following Wednesday. It was back to more waiting. And more planning.
On Friday, my manager called me into his office. He said that he knew I wasn’t happy with the increase for this year and went to talk to the executives from the company and actually got me a raise—almost six times what they had offered previously. Instead of immense joy and gratitude, I was immediately filled with guilt and stress. How was I going to come back and tell him, “Thanks for fighting for me, but I’m leaving now”?
That next week, I wrestled with that question. Here I was given something that should have made me satisfied, but it only gave me more stress. Wednesday came around, and I didn’t hear anything. Late in the day, I emailed the HR rep, who told me that they were still making a decision, which she expected the next day.
I continued to stress about it on Thursday. But driving into work, I felt God moving. I prayed for guidance, and He was so clearly talking to me that I turned off my music. At that point, I broke down and told Him that it was in His hands. I gave it all to Him—all the stress, worry, anxiety—and He immediately took the weight off my shoulders. I could clearly hear Him say, “I’ve got this.” That day at work, I felt amazing. I didn’t have a care in the world knowing He was on my side. Late in the day, the HR rep emailed back with saying they had made a decision.
I didn’t get the job.
This was all part of His plan—and what a beautifully-crafted way to remind me, as only He can. It took weeks of stress and a dragged-out process to remind me that He is the one in control, and until I give it all to Him, I will never be truly free from stress. He showed me that there is no reason for me to be anxious about things that fall within His plan. It might be tough for me to see while I’m in the middle of it, but it’s amazing how He provides. And even while being deeply humbled, God gave me a clear reminder that though he may have pursued me for over fifteen years until my mind was opened to the gospel, the pursuit is never over.
Much as I had done with other things in my life, I took the gift of a raise and turned it into a point of stress. Instead of trusting Him and looking for his plan, I had mine laid out. Every day since then, I have been trying to look for the gifts in my life, the little wins that God so graciously gives me as He works His master plan, and rejoice in each one of those things instead of turning it into a thing of anxiety.
And every day, I make sure to add one line to my prayers: “I give it all to you.”